iCan't say Goodbye
by Subject87
Summary: Written for the iGoodbye challenge. Carly leaves for Italy with her father but Freddie can't say goodbye, so he does something wild and unpredictable and stupid. Creddie!


Dread.. Dread was choking the life out of me as Colonel Shay made his offer for Carly to come life with her. _Don't do it! _Every molecule in me begged me to find a way to get her to say no. I can't help but grit my teeth as the others: Spencer, Gibby, T-Bo, even Sam is encouraging her to go... Can't they see if she leaves it will all fall apart? Even worse is when T-Bo starts talking about Italian smoothies, but I do agree with him, just so I don't look like I'm sulking.

I keep my mouth shut during Sam's little "If it were my dad" speech and Spencer telling her to go with their Dad. Finally she turns to me "Freddie?" the brunette whom I've been in love with forever asks, wanting me to tell her to stay or go.

"You should go." I hear from my own lips but the words make no sense to me, why would I tell her to go? I want her to stay. _Stop being selfish_ Part of me lectures.

_I'm not being Selfish_ I snap _Things won't be the same around here... She's the one being selfish! She's leaving us... Leaving me_. I put on a smile when she decides she's going to Italy, and I have to wonder if it's just for the Italian boys her father mentioned. Jealousy surges through me, mixing with the coldness of dread to create an entirely new feeling that I can't really describe.

"How much time do we have?" She asks he father.

"About Four hours.."

"Perfect."

I don't even have to ask, I know exactly what she wants to do, so I head upstairs to get everything ready. It hits me, as I'm setting up my equipment, that this will be the last iCarly for a long time... Possibly the last ever.

The show goes smoothly, I even laugh as Colonel Shay meets baby Spencer and nearly chokes his son to death after finding out about the aspiring artist dropping out of law school. The cowgirl who thought the cowboy's mustache was a squirrel was good as well, everything had to be perfect tonight. Finally I nod, time is running out. Carly and Sam stop goofing off and look at the camera.

"This isn't goodbye." Sam says right to the camera, almost as if she was talking to me.

_Liar! _I mentally shout.

"No it's not" Carly agrees, as if she can read my mind "But iCarly is going to be taking a break."

_No chiz_ I think dryly.

"Carly is going to Italy to live with her Dad for awhile."

Carly then moves closer to the camera, and begins to make a speech about how much the show means to her. Sam, of course, interupts her to say how it's kept her out of Jail (most of the time) and Gibby says something, but by then I've tuned everything out because if I don't I feel like I'm going to snap.

The show ends and everyone, minus me, goes downstairs. I stay in the studio and let the memories of this place wash over me, it almost makes me feel better. I can still visualize, almost perfectly, the first time we stepped up here to record iCarly. It had just been Sam, Carly, and I and we had fun... I'd had fun, and I'd finally gotten an excuse to hang around the girl next door.

Just as I start to put the equipment away, since it's no longer needed here, I hear a familiar voice from the door "Hi."

"Hey" I reply, I look up at the brunette co-host, or is former co-host now, and smile. To my surprise the smile is genuine, I'm happy to be alone with her for just a few moments.

"You don't have to pack all the equipment up tonight you know."

_Yes I do, because if I come back up here it's going to be to much to handle_ I think, "Yeah but tomorrow Gibby want's me to to do some research about how to take care of a weasel.

I turn to look at one of the cameras when I feel it, her hand on mind, I turn to look at her in surprise as she's leaning in. _She's gonna... No she's not gonna.. _ Then her lips are on mine and I'm resting my hand on her hip. I can't seem to think coherently, even after the kiss ends, leading to some incoherent babbling and me offering to help her with her bags.

When I'm sure she can't see me I raise my arms in victory because I know that was more than a goodbye kiss.. That was what I've been waiting for since I was eleven years old. The gang is all downstairs when we come down and it hits me again, this is goodbye for awhile.

_Colonel_ Shay picks up his daughters bags and gives her an extra couple of minutes to say goodbye while he talks to Spencer. Carly looks at me and hugs me tightly, which I happily return, and it's with reluctance that I finally let her go.

Spencer and his father talk, but I'm not really listening, and hug before the elevator closes and heads down to the lobby. Then Gibby starts crying, which almost makes me want to cry. After some encouragement from Carly he manages out a "Gibbeh" before she hugs him.

It was then I noticed the look on Sams face. We may not have been the best of friends but I felt bad for her, she was losing her best friend just as I was losing the one girl I really loved.

"I'll ride down with you." she volunteers, and I can tell she wants to cry which I have only seen happen when she had to get a job in an attempt to pay Carly and I back... That feels like a lifetime ago. We all hug, sadness washing not just me but all of us: Spencer, Carly, Sam, and Gibby. We all slide into the elevator, hug for a moment, then the three of of us exit.

"I love you guys." Carly says, looking at me, and I can hear her biting back a sob.

"I love you too." I say honestly.

"Love you too Kiddo." Spencer replies.

The door closes and I blink, glancing at Spencer. It's over... She's gone.

I grab my computer and laptop... I know I'm supposed to get my other equipment but right now I feel drained, I need sleep... I don't know what I need.

I exit the apartment, for what may be the final time, with my laptop and my camera. Before I enter my own apartment I glance at the door of 8-C, where so many memories are held.

"_You're gonna need a tech specialist... Someone to do the lights, audio, work the camera..." I say hopefully, Really all I wanna do is be closer to Carly... I don't even care about the webshow. _

I resist the urge to cry... How much had changed, I loved iCarly, I loved.. Everything.

When I get into my room I set my laptop and camera on my dresser and fall into bed... I just want today to be over.

Unfortunately the next morning wasn't much better. I woke up with a slight headache, and then I realized that the only thing I really had to look forward to today was weasel research... THAT was a depressing thought.

I look at my clock, what exactly is a teenager supposed to do on a Saturday at 10:30 AM? Normally I'd go to Carly's but she's not there, a fact which hits me just as hard as it did last night.

Suddenly my door opened, and since I knew my mother was at work...My mind started racing, who would break into my apartment at 10:30 AM?

"Hey Nub!" came Sam's voice from the living room and I sigh in relief. I'd fallen asleep in my clothes last night so I don't worry about getting dressed.

"What's up Sam?" I ask when I enter the living room.

She smiles, yes she actually can smile at me, "I just um... I came to say goodbye."

My heart stops, "Goodbye?"

"I'm... I dunno, I mean I'm not gonna stay here." she said, "I'm thinking L.A... I hear it's nice down there."

"W-What?"

"Carls is gone nub, did you honestly think it was going to stay the same?" she asked.

"I.. It's really over isn't it?"

She nods, and I have to admit she's being uncharacteristically nice... Probably because her best friend is gone.

"She kissed me.." I blurt out.

"What?"

"I was in the studio.. packing up the equipment.. She covered my hand and kissed.."

"Okay I get it." she interrupted me, "And you let her go?!"

"Yeah..." I mumble, "I... I wanted so badly to stop her but it... I couldn't."

"Go after her!"

"You're insane." I protest, "I can't just run off to Florence.."

"Dude, you've been in love with her since we were eleven years old... You almost died for her. Even I have to admit that's true love and if she loves you back it's your duty to go after her."

The more I thought about it, the more her words made sense "... Okay."

She smiled again and hugged me, I stiffened at the contact before hugging her back. "Goodbye nub.." she said. She slipped a piece of paper in my pocket and whispered, "You're gonna need this.."

"Bye Puckett.. You take care of yourself." I whispered, "Stay out of trouble." I decided not to ask about the paper, I had other things to worry about.

"I'll try." she said.

"The trio... It's really over isn't it?"

"Yeah... For now. But you and Carly will have each other.."

"I'll make sure we come back and see you... You're still our friend."

"Thanks.." She released me from the hug and moved towards the door "Goodbye... You really are a good friend Benson."

"I'm gonna remember that." I teased.

"I'll deny it ever happened."

"See you Sam.."

"Bye Freddie."

That was it, she was gone... And I had a plane to catch.

I quickly pack some bags, mostly my clothes, and grab my emergency money. _Well, this is an emergency_ I thought as I shoved it in my pocket.

I don't own a car so I call a taxi, while I wait I scribble down a note to my mother explaining where I was going, and that I'd be back whenever I could. I felt kind of bad for leaving her alone but Sam was right... I needed to do this.

I stuck the note in the door as I exited the apartment and headed for the elevator. I paused to look back but shook my head, now wasn't the time to reminisce. I got to the street just as the taxi pulled in. "Airport." I told the driver.

The drive was quiet, the driver tried to strike up a conversation but I was a million miles away so I didn't respond. My heart was pounding, I couldn't believe I was doing this... I never did anything so impulsive.

"_You nearly died for her" _The conversation with Sam replayed in my head, _"If that's not true love I don't know what is... You need to go after her._

The taxi pulled up to the airport and I payed the driver then hurried out with my bags to the ticket booth. "One to Florence" I pant, trying to catch my breath.

She gives me the price for the ticket and I winced, it would take up most of my funds... But this was worth it. She gives me the ticket after I pay her and I rush to the plane, I have no interest in sight seeing.

When the plane took off my stomach lurched, memories of the trip to Japan filling my mind, I never will fly in anything but a commercial airplane again.

The inflight movie is entertaining, but I don't touch the meal (I really don't feel hungry) and stare out the window for the remainder of the flight.

When the plane touched down I headed with the other passengers to customs and immigration. Luckily my passport was still valid after our trip to Japan. I finally left the airport and got into the city, where a feeling of hopelessness..." Then I remembered the paper in my pocket and pulled it out, it was Carly's address!

"Thank you Sam" I mutter. My next obstacle, finding someone in this city who speaks English.. There was a map, luckily in English, blown up for display right outside of the airport so I began to study it, looking for her street. When I found it I memorized the steps and directions, it was most likely I'd need to walk as I had no Italian money and I had no idea if they took American dollars.

I slung one of my bags, it was designed more like a backpack, on my shoulder and carried the other ones. The walk took about ten minutes, I didn't even bother with a Taxi, now I just had to find her address.

The apartment in question happened to be the one at the other end of the street, so by the time I got to the door I was sweating quite a bit (Not that I cared). I knocked on the door and a strange old woman answered, then I realized I got the wrong apartment, I tried to apologize but it seems she didn't quite speak English so I ended up being whacked on the head with a broomstick.

I climbed another flight of stairs, my headache back from the whack on the head and finally I knock on the right door. Carly answers the door and I almost drop my bags, I'm so relieved to see her. "F-Freddie?" she asks, and she looks as beautiful as ever even though it looks like I woke her up.

Luckily for me I caught a nap on the plane, "I didn't mean to wake you." I said, "But..."

"No it's okay... What're you doing here?"

"I... I can't say goodbye Carly." I tell her, "I love you... And I can't say goodbye.

She doesn't reply, instead she pulls me into a kiss, like that day at the studio, and I just kiss back.

* * *

**Note**: So here's my oneshot for the iGoodbye challenge from iLove Creddie on Creddie fans, hope you guys like it!

I'm assuming the trio graduated in this story, as the show never really says anything about it. I don't own iCarly or anything releated to it.


End file.
